I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
