Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.

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(828): All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU. http://tfl.nu/f6ai

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.

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(320): I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me. http://tfl.nu/008l

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.

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(502): i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower. http://tfl.nu/fhy8

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window

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(704): I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window http://tfl.nu/ly7e

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(609): View more from New Jersey

at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

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(609): at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning http://tfl.nu/nizm

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(214): View more from Texas

The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night

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(214): The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night http://tfl.nu/8pzt

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.

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(508): I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right. http://tfl.nu/agio

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(480): View more from Arizona

So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?

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(480): So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast? http://tfl.nu/qa47

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(678): View more from Georgia

My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store

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(678): My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store http://tfl.nu/soqr

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(573): View more from Missouri

I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.

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(573): I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING. http://tfl.nu/4gcc

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(719): View more from Colorado

Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.

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(719): Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fluu

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

possibly by boat

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(610): he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him (610): possibly by boat http://tfl.nu/q00b

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(312): View more from Illinois

Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.

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(312): Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows. http://tfl.nu/kvi1

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(904): View more from Florida

show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened

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(904): show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened http://tfl.nu/zata

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place

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(575): Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place http://tfl.nu/vq1o

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