yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.