he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
