she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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