She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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