This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
