Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
