My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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