Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
