I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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