Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
