Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
