He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
