Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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