Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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