If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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