It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
