The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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