His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
