CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
