your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
