I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
