Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
