Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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