I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
