Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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