That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
