At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
