Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
