We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
