OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
