is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
