I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want to be your penis for a week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
