Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
