I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
