Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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