You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She announced her abortion via fbk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
