There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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