You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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