Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
