It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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