we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
