toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
