He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
