you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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