Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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