smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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