I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
