Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
