i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
