Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
