she looked like the before picture.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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