get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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