you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
