Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
