i permit you to call me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
