Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
