He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
