On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
