Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
