cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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