If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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