I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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