I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
