Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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