1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
