When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Panties = found
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
