woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
